Post by Lisa on Jan 30, 2014 6:42:52 GMT -5
Justus,
I have been dating a man for the past 13 months. Just three
weeks ago, I sold everything I own, gave up my job and moved from the States to
Switzerland to be with him. He said he wanted to spend his life with me, he
loved me, I could trust him, etc. It was a fairytale.
Two weeks after I moved in, I found emails he has been
sending to a college-aged woman (he is 41) for the last year - during the time
that we've been together. In the emails, he said things like, "We are
certain to see each other again some day, and when that day comes, it will be a
very special moment when I look into your eyes and see YOUR smile..." He
also led her to believe that he was moving into his father's home to take care
of his father - no mention that his father no longer lives here and that he was
moving into this house because I would be coming over here and moving in with
him.
I confronted him on it. Needless to say, after selling
everything I own to move here and finding this right after, I am devastated. He
doesn't see why these emails are a big deal at all. He said they had nothing to
do with him and I and that she's far away and was never in competition with
me. He also then admitted that he used
to be much worse (at doing this kind of thing) in the past but that he's gotten
much better as he's gotten older. He’s also always felt obligated to
communicate with any woman who gives him her contact info (phone, email, etc.)
out of courtesy. He is a very attractive guy and he travels a lot for work, so
this will always happen.
Seriously - what are the chances I can ever trust this guy?
With the age of technology, I will never know if he has stopped doing this or
not. What are our chances of a successful relationship now that trust is not a
foundation for us to build upon? What do statistics say of a 41-year-old man being able to really change his ways? I really need some expert advice - aside from
the advice I've been getting from friends and family.
I have been dating a man for the past 13 months. Just three
weeks ago, I sold everything I own, gave up my job and moved from the States to
Switzerland to be with him. He said he wanted to spend his life with me, he
loved me, I could trust him, etc. It was a fairytale.
Two weeks after I moved in, I found emails he has been
sending to a college-aged woman (he is 41) for the last year - during the time
that we've been together. In the emails, he said things like, "We are
certain to see each other again some day, and when that day comes, it will be a
very special moment when I look into your eyes and see YOUR smile..." He
also led her to believe that he was moving into his father's home to take care
of his father - no mention that his father no longer lives here and that he was
moving into this house because I would be coming over here and moving in with
him.
I confronted him on it. Needless to say, after selling
everything I own to move here and finding this right after, I am devastated. He
doesn't see why these emails are a big deal at all. He said they had nothing to
do with him and I and that she's far away and was never in competition with
me. He also then admitted that he used
to be much worse (at doing this kind of thing) in the past but that he's gotten
much better as he's gotten older. He’s also always felt obligated to
communicate with any woman who gives him her contact info (phone, email, etc.)
out of courtesy. He is a very attractive guy and he travels a lot for work, so
this will always happen.
Seriously - what are the chances I can ever trust this guy?
With the age of technology, I will never know if he has stopped doing this or
not. What are our chances of a successful relationship now that trust is not a
foundation for us to build upon? What do statistics say of a 41-year-old man being able to really change his ways? I really need some expert advice - aside from
the advice I've been getting from friends and family.
