Post by Silent Tears on Jan 12, 2014 22:01:18 GMT -5
Dear Justus,
I need to vent. I am a 39yr old woman of color who lives in the deep south. I'm a Christian who loves God and tries to live a life pleasing in his eyes. I am close to my loving family (they are great!), I have great friends who love me and a great career which I love. My boyfriend of 6 months is great too. I'm independent and I look fairly good, in fact, above average if I say so myself. Then what's the problem? I feel a empty.
I've been before God so many times asking what is it that I'm missing or what is it I'm not doing but I don't know. I cannot control some aspects of my life so I rely on him but for what I can do..... I do.
At one point I felt it was the lack of being married and/or having children but again, I cannot control that. So I make do with living my life to the fullest.
My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage and children casually and he seems to want it but we can't guarantee we'll be together til marriage. So I have to think of the HERE and NOW. At times I think not having a family of my own could be the "void" I'm feeling but that is something I cannot control. I just haven't met or didn't meet anyone of marriage material for myself. I guideline anyone I date as to what God would have so if he hadn't sent the "Mr. Right," then I can not do anything more but wait on him.
Otherwise, I cannot think of this "emptiness" I'm feeling and why. What can I do to stop feeling this void? When I am alone I feel so depressed and I cry out of feeling incomplete. It's so unbearable at times. What do you say I'm experiencing? It's been ongoing for about 3yrs now.
I need to vent. I am a 39yr old woman of color who lives in the deep south. I'm a Christian who loves God and tries to live a life pleasing in his eyes. I am close to my loving family (they are great!), I have great friends who love me and a great career which I love. My boyfriend of 6 months is great too. I'm independent and I look fairly good, in fact, above average if I say so myself. Then what's the problem? I feel a empty.
I've been before God so many times asking what is it that I'm missing or what is it I'm not doing but I don't know. I cannot control some aspects of my life so I rely on him but for what I can do..... I do.
At one point I felt it was the lack of being married and/or having children but again, I cannot control that. So I make do with living my life to the fullest.
My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage and children casually and he seems to want it but we can't guarantee we'll be together til marriage. So I have to think of the HERE and NOW. At times I think not having a family of my own could be the "void" I'm feeling but that is something I cannot control. I just haven't met or didn't meet anyone of marriage material for myself. I guideline anyone I date as to what God would have so if he hadn't sent the "Mr. Right," then I can not do anything more but wait on him.
Otherwise, I cannot think of this "emptiness" I'm feeling and why. What can I do to stop feeling this void? When I am alone I feel so depressed and I cry out of feeling incomplete. It's so unbearable at times. What do you say I'm experiencing? It's been ongoing for about 3yrs now.
